Enough is Enough

Guess i've had enough dramas in my life..only realizes that just now! huh! i wanna scream my heart out and tell the world this is me! a more stronger and braver me. how i wish it was that easy. how i wish i realizes that before i turned myself into this some kind of SHIT! I hate myself for being like this and now I wanna change that. I wanna be the Bitch that will kick some ass! I just so love love this exuberance of freedom that I'm feeling right now. Enough for the heartaches that's making me sick and kill the person in me and of course the tears that keeps on falling because of all the hurt and so much pain. I wish someday he'll realize all of this. he'll find out within himself how bad he is to me. I hate you so much that i wanna get even..at least?! You push me away and that's the sad truth! No matter how big my love for you, this has to end. I love you so much but it's about time to start loving myself. I've given almost half of my life to you, I praised you. made you the center of my everything.give up my own happiness and dreams. you literally had my life and soul that should be enough. Laugh, laugh, and more laughters! i wanna enjoy the new ME! P.S. Got songs for you baby! check out JLo's Alive! lovingly dedicated to you...enjoy!

"Soon, Baby....."

"Soon, Baby" was his exact words today May 6, 2012 at exactly 7:39pm during our heart to heart chat. And with both hands, i am holding on to his promise. Finally i was able to talk to him and blurted all out. everything that's been running in my head and lying in my heart for quite sometime. I've been carrying this heavy load and it gets heavier as days passes by because i have no one to talk to. all i have is myself and this blog but thankfully i made it all happened. I really hoped he understood and he truly listens and understands what i am going through. I felt instant relief after saying all my fears, doubts and feelings to him and i thank him for all the kind words and for not making it hard for me. I was able to say it all through chat and not during our voice chat. Crying my heart out which really helps ease the pains. Thank you baby for the time. thank's for all the effort. i wont promise you anything coz i know it's gonna be hard for me right now but rest assured that i will do my best to forget the past and move on to a more healthier and happier married life. I thank God for giving me YOU! Thank you for all the effort and thank you for all the promises.....

Contentment

"Contentment" just a word but has very very big meaning to every individual.... When can i really have one?...i wish it was that just easy but it's not. It's a fight between the good you and the bad you...huh?! Uttering the phrase and claiming that "I am contented" is such a crazy thing. i guess it's very rare to find a person that can say that he/she is truly contented with everything he/she already had. Some say, it's not ok to be simply contented because everybody has a dream and dreaming is free so we cannot be contended just like that coz we will stop dreaming, right? but on the other hand, it is also good to be just contented with what you have and avoid the evils that goes with not being one. i'm really in awe trying to figure out what contentment really means for me. i guess one thing i'm applying in my life that's fair enough is my belief that everything should be in moderation. it's ok to dream but let's not become to ambitious with that dream so that if it didn't turn into reality we can still manage to stay put. And from time to time we should know and try to realize what's in store for us so that we can learn to appreciate what is already given to us... fair enough, right?

Friday the 13th

God is so good! We have to thank him for all the blessings everyday of our lives. Praise God!

1st i wanna thank him for the failed launch od North Korea, sparing our country for any debris from the missile launch, or watever it's called. 2nd i wanna thank him for the wonderful relationship my husband and i were having right now. It's been awhile since i last felt being cared, loved and appreciated by him and with that guess i couldn't ask for more. 3rd is for my brother's wedding which will finally happen on sunday.

There are so many thngs to be thankful for and with that i wanna leave you all by saying that there's no such thing as bad luck on friday the 13th if we will only learn to appreciate and be thankful for everything around us instead of focusing on negative things:)

Stay safe and let God lead us always...

I can't thank him enough...

Thank you so much dear God for making me feel loved today...i hope and pray that this won't be the last time i will feel this way. How i wish it can be a permanent thing....

"Tell me, where did i go wrong?"

Remembering Joey Albert's song revived by the now defunked Side A Band...it's the question that's been humming in my head for quite sometime now. how i wish i can find the answer in just a snap. I know it'll hurt so much to hear the answer but i might as well hear it than bear with this pain for a long time.

My married life is indeed a roller coaster ride, and i mean literally roller coaster with all it's ups and downs. i though time will naturally heal all the pain but i guess it's really not the thing. i am now trusting myself to go through it alone coz after all, i felt i am alone. i wish it can be as simple as asking him "where din i really go wrong?" but i know for a fact that i cannot get what i wanted to hear simple because i would wouldn't want to hear what he'll tell me.

After a while, guess who's back......me!:)

Seems like it was years since i last shared my thoughts. I got so preoccupied with so many things and as much as i wanted to go back to my writing, i just couldn't find the right time to do it....How i wish i can find a bottle and rub it hard till my genie will pop out and give me three wishes he can fulfill. i'll probably ask him to give me all the time that i want. the time to do everything i want. the time to relive my life so that i can erase all the bad things that i've done and retain only the good ones. the time to go back to living my life with the only person i truly love, my bestfriend, my husband...my life.

Happy thoughts...Happy thoughts! wish there's only Happy thoughts, no more choices!

I'm now officially welcoming myself to blogging once again! the only place where i can be myself and say what's in my mind and in my heart.